


Faith

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Series: LAOFT Extras [77]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Worth Issues, discussions of magical compulsion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 16:50:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21122072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: Patton doesn’t trust himself.But he truststhem.Maybe that’s enough.





	Faith

**Author's Note:**

> for the prompt:
> 
> "ive grown an attachment to patton-centered chapters you see and the idea of one thats both angst and fluff. patton has been scared of himself his whole life so it would make sense that he doesnt think highly of himself. and when the others compliment his looks or personality he just sorta goes “aw thanks” and brushes it off. can there be a chapter that addresses that with him and the boyfs?" (from AsterK here on Ao3)
> 
> it deviated just a tad, but i hope you still like it!
> 
> Many thanks to my friend [@trivia-goddess](trivia-goddess.tumblr.com) for beta-reading and making me feel super smiley about this one! love you to bits!!!

If it had been anyone else, Roman thought he probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Firstly, because Roman just didn’t pay as close attention to most people as he did his romantic partners. He didn’t even do it on purpose – sometimes it felt like his eyes were magnetized, his gaze drawn to them in every room no matter what was going on around them, hyper-aware of every tiny micro-expression.

Secondly, because he was pretty much right on top of Patton when it happened. Not literally, but only barely – they were all squished into one of Virgil’s web hammocks, Roman and Patton in the center and Virgil and Logan behind them, respectively. Logan was in an especially _Seelie_ mood and was blowing raspberries in the side of Patton’s neck while Patton alternately giggled and shrieked in response and Roman and Virgil watched fondly.

“Logan!” Patton squealed.

“Yes, dear?” said Logan evenly, and when Patton opened his mouth to respond Logan did it again and Patton let out a peal of laughter.

“Can you repeat the question?” said Logan smugly.

“O-oh, you g- you goof, _Logan-!_,”

Logan seemed satisfied with the amount of mirth he’d gotten out of Patton, instead placing a soft peck on Patton’s temple. Patton was a little out of breath, cheeks flushed a pink that made all the little gold-leaf flecks of his freckles stick out and his hair in just a bit of disarray. He was so gorgeous that for a moment Roman forgot how to breathe.

Virgil reached across Roman, cradling Patton’s face in his hand, striking silver against the gold of Patton’s skin.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said softly. Roman smiled, and he could see Logan do the same against the side of Patton’s face.

“You’re a mind-reader, babe,” said Roman, elbowing Virgil lightly. Logan rolled his eyes.

“I doubt that,” he said, “But we are certainly in agreement,”

Patton’s smile hadn’t budged an inch, and he reached up to cover Virgil’s hand with his own and press into it.

“Thank you, honey,” he said sweetly.

The smile was perfect, and his voice was even, but something- something about the set of Patton’s shoulders just wasn’t _right. _Something that made Roman’s stomach twist uncomfortably.

And then Patton leaned across the gap between them, catching Roman’s bottom lip between his own and humming into his mouth – and there definitely was something not-right about _that._

Because the third reason Roman noticed was because he was acutely, painfully aware of what “kissing someone to change the subject” felt like, and that was definitely what Patton had just done.

Roman had kissed him back on reflex – but he managed not to rise to the bait when Patton tried to deepen it, pulling back just enough to keep it soft. Patton frowned slightly, retreating.

“Is something wrong, sweetheart?”

_Is there?_ Felt like… almost too _hostile_ of a question, so Roman just gave Patton a reassuring smile, considering.

“You really…” Roman started. Patton titled his head slightly.

“You really are gorgeous,” he said.

There was no mistaking it this time, even as quick as it was – the barest twist of Patton’s mouth, and then another smile, this one much less convincing.

“Thank you,” said Patton, his voice just a little brittle.

Roman’s throat closed.

“You don’t believe me,” he said quietly.

Virgil sat up behind him, and Patton’s eyes flickered between them. Logan was frowning now, too.

“I-”

Patton kept smiling.

“I didn’t say that,”

“You didn’t have to,”

Patton swallowed.

“I… Roman, I don’t- I don’t know what you want me to say,”

Roman bit his lip.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I… I didn’t mean to put you on the spot, I just-”

“I don’t understand,” said Virgil, running his hand down Patton’s side, “We can’t- we can’t lie to you? Well, Roman, I guess, but he-”

“-Wouldn’t,” Roman chorused. “I’m not,”

The smile finally slipped, and Patton sighed, rubbing slightly at his forehead.

“…Patton?” said Logan.

“Just, uh, gimme a second,” said Patton quietly, “Cuz I- I _really_ don’t wanna talk about this but I think I- I probably should so just-”

“Take your time,” said Logan.

Patton was quiet, and then he shuffled a little so he was on his back, looking up into the treetops and avoiding all of their gazes.

“I don’t think you’re lying,” he said dully, “I believe- I believe you believe it. I just-”

He shrugged miserably.

“That doesn’t actually make it _true,_ you know?”

Logan’s hand was clutched at the hem of Patton’s shirt. Virgil’s hand had come to rest on Patton’’s chest, just over his heart.

“What- why would you think it _isn’t?_” said Logan incredulously, “You are objectively very attractive,”

Patton winced, and Logan’s frown deepened.

Patton didn’t continue, and after a moment Virgil drummed his fingers on Patton’s heart gently.

“Pat?”

Patton let out a shuddering breath.

“It’s not just- it’s not just the _telling_, you know?”

Roman felt like his insides had frozen solid.

“‘Lovely and pleasing, and everyone who hears it will be charmed,’” Patton quoted, and the ice was spreading now, so quickly Roman couldn’t move.

“I could have slipped up at some point,” said Patton wetly, “But- but even more than that the cur- the gift is _vague_, and- and I can’t be _sure-”_

“The compulsion doesn’t work on me and L,” said Virgil firmly.

“It _does_ though,” said Patton, “A little. You feel it, when I use it, even if you don’t have to listen. And you always-”

He closed his eyes, and Roman’s hands finally obeyed him just in time to brush a few stray tears away from Patton’s eyes.

“You always compliment it,” croaked Patton, “My voice. When I- hum, or something. When you kiss me,”

He reached up to scrub some of the tears out of his eyes.

“And you know, I’m- I’m learning now, and… and what if- what if I _am_ doing something to you and then once I know what I’m doing and _stop_ you-”

“_Don’t even-”_

“-don’t love me anymore,” finished Patton miserably.

“Patton,” said Roman weakly.

“And I didn’t wanna say anything,” continued Patton, “Because it’s not like it makes a difference, right _now, _I guess. Because whether I’m not, or if I am and then if you _know_ I am, all it would do is upset you-”

“You are not _compelling_ us to love you,” said Logan.

“But how do you _know that?_” blurted Patton, suddenly vehement.

Logan looked furious, struggling for several seconds.

“I- I just _do_,”he said weakly, and Roman winced at the way Patton’s face fell.

“Patton,” said Virgil gently, “You couldn’t possibly be doing magic on me without me noticing. Certainly not untrained,”

Patton looked a little more hopeful at that, but he still didn’t quite seem convinced. Roman bit his lip, wavering.

“You aren’t,” he said quietly, “I’m sure,”

Patton shifted, and Roman finished before he could lose his nerve.

“I can tell the difference,”

Patton froze, and so did the other two – Virgil was like a block of marble at Roman’s back.

Roman pulled at Patton’s shirt until he turned back on his side, facing Roman. He looked _ashen_, his face a picture of dread, and Roman desperately he hoped he wasn’t about to make everything ten times worse.

“It feels like…” he started, taking Patton’s hand and lacing their fingers together, “Like- nails on a chalkboard, kind of? But- in my head. Until I do whatever it is you told me,”

Patton made a weak, anguished noise.

“Loving you?” said Roman quickly, “Does _not_ feel like that,”

He leaned in and kissed one of Patton’s cheeks. Patton was so still Roman thought he might be holding his breath.

“Loving you feels like… like clouds. Like sunlight and birdsong and wind-chimes. Like playing music in our clearing and stupid yearly debates about color-coded subjects,”

Logan snorted, and Patton’s mouth twitched; his eyes were shiny. Roman kissed his other cheek.

“Like getting one of Mamaw’s poems right on the first try. Like laughing until my sides hurt at a horrible, horrible pun,”

“Roman,” said Patton, his voice barely a whisper.

“Loving you does not hurt,” said Roman softly, “It has _never_ hurt. Not even when I thought I would lose you forever any day now; it was the thought of _losing _it, losing _you,_ that hurt, never the love. I never would have given it up or wanted it to stop or wished it away because I _love_ loving you, Patton,”

“I can’t, I can’t,” muttered Patton, and Roman didn’t have time to ask him to elaborate before Patton surged forward and pulled Roman by the neck into a kiss so intense it immediately left Roman’s head spinning.

Roman supposed that technically counted as changing the subject again, but somehow he got the feeling that this time, it was probably okay to let him.

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find me [over on tumblr!](tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors.tumblr.com)


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